Oh no! Fellow nerds, they’re on to us

They’ve discovered our secret hobbies:

And Jenny, darlin‘, YOU are going to attract people just like me when you are derogatory and ignorant about my favourite Church. M’kay? So if you don’t want a MY reaction… go back to whatever nerds do… endlessly poking each other in the belly-button, or playing with aborted fetuses, or, whatever.

Damn. What are nerds supposed to do for fun now?

I know I always say not to feed the trolls, but when they’re so amusingly ridiculous I feel selfish not sharing it with the rest of you. Especially when I think belly-button poking can be the new euphemism for godless, nerdy activities.

Though, read the rest of that comment at your own risk. If you tend to become enraged after reading nonsensical transphobic screeds… you’ve been warned.

Colbert calls out Laura Ingraham for terrible writing and racist remarks

I think I ovulated while watching this last night:

<td style=’padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;’ colspan=’2’Laura Ingraham

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Seriously, does this man not have the best job in the world? He gets to call out people for being racist and for being terrible writers to their face because they willingly sign up for the verbal beating. All while not coming off like a jackass thanks to ingenious use of satire. I’m jealous.

 

Goddamn men and their magical thieving penises!

Yet another thing us women have to worry about when having sex. Thankfully Lady Gaga enlightens us all (emphasis mine):

She may ooze sex appeal during her on-stage performances, but Lady Gaga is a little more conservative when it comes to her life in the bedroom.

In a new interview with Vanity Fair, the eccentric singer, who recently reunited with her ex Luc Carl, says she is trying to avoid sex for a rather off-beat reason.

“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina,” the 24-year-old says in the magazine’s September issue.

Well damn. I thought having sex just fractured your souls like horcruxes. Now I’m losing my creativity too? What other attributes have I been leaking out my genitalia?!

My atheist lovechildren

Hemant: “Draw doodles! What would the lovechild of you and various famous Atheists look like?”
Sleep deprivation induced doodle, or accidentally insightful commentary on diversity in the atheist movement? You decide.

I think Hemant just wanted a cute drawing of our latte colored lovechild.

This is post 46 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.

Vatican dress code swiftly owned by wise old woman

The Vatican has been cracking down on violators of their dress code. Members of the Swiss Guard have been drawing aside men in shorts and women without sleeves across the entire Vatican City State, not just St. Peter’s Basilica like usual. This would be boring news if it weren’t for the awesome quote at the end:

“Given all the scandals the Church has been involved in, what possible right can it have to be preaching about the morality of sleeveless dresses?” said one woman in her seventies.

Oooooohhhhhhhhh snap!

Just for shits and giggles, here’s a photo of my mom and me in St. Peter’s Square when we visited Italy 10 years ago. I would have been 12 in this photo:Wait…NO SLEEVES?! I didn’t realize my mother was such an infidel! How did we enter the basilica without bursting into flames?!

This is post 43 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.

Feminists ride a new wave – sidesaddle

1:57 am 8/1/2010

Spelios Bacoyanis, Blag Hag Staff Reporter

CHICAGO, IL – In what’s being heralded as a shocking move, the National Organization of Women (NOW) announced the end of Third Wave Feminism and the beginning of a Fourth Wave.

“It was time for a change,” said Jennifer Baumgardner, a pioneer of Third Wave Feminism and co-author of Manifesta, a leading treatise of Third Wave thought. “We just got tired of, you know, telling people that fuck-me pumps are empowering.”

Third Wave Feminism stood in stark contrast to its predecessor, Second Wave Feminism. Where the Second Wave addressed inequalities, sexuality, family, the workplace, and, perhaps most controversially, reproductive rights, Third Wave Feminism focused on sex-positivity, which gave a broader definition of what sex means and what oppression and empowerment may mean in the context of sex.

“Essentially, we just wanted to fuck and forget,” continued Baumgardner.

The next wave of feminism diverges dramatically from all previous waves of feminist theory. While gender equality remains the penumbral objective, the road to equality has a new path.

“With the economy being what it is, and the rigors of modern life being so difficult on everyone, we at NOW came to the inescapable conclusion that life before feminism was better for women,” said NOW president, Terry O’Neill. “Finding a good man to stand behind and producing him a son and heir, being soft spoken and subservient, and, most of all, staying in the house and only leaving with your husband’s permission are now the cornerstones. The Fourth Wave will empower women by alleviating them of all the bullshit one has to put up with in a modern society. If you can find a man that has a well paying job and who can provide, why not just live a comfortable life and just, you know, let him deal with it.”

O’Neill then quickly added, “Besides, it’s not that bad being second to the man of the house. You just have to remember your place sometimes.”

The evolution of Fourth Wave thought has been attributed to the success of the Twilight novels.

“While the thoughts have always been there, Twilight really opened up many women’s eyes by showing us that as independent as we want to be, we’re only worthwhile when we have an Edward to hold and love us,” Said Baumgardner. Edward, a sparkling obviously-not-gay vampire, is the love interest of the teen aged protagonist in the Twilight “saga”.

Despite the expedient move from Third to Fourth Wave, there has been very little resistance to the adoption of these new Fourth Wave Principles.

“The Third Wave had its time, but it has really started to get old.” Said Jen McCreight. “Sex is great and all, but every Third Waver knew, in their heart of hearts, that it couldn’t last. We all knew that, at some point, we were going to have to find a man to provide for us so we could just relax. We knew we had to sell out sometime.”

Added McCreight, “I just hope that there’s a sugar daddy left for me.”

This is post 39 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.

New condom released by Trojan

This is sure to be the start of a new sexual revolution:

PRINCETON, NJ—Contraceptive manufacturer Trojan unveiled its new line of “No One’s Pleasure” condoms Wednesday, the first prophylactic specifically designed to intensify sexual dissatisfaction among bitter and resentful couples.

“We’ve always offered consumers a choice when it comes to protection, and we wanted to give emotionally distant partners an option that suits their lack of intimacy,” said Jim Daniels, vice president of marketing at Trojan. “That’s why we’ve developed the only condoms clinically proven to exploit performance anxiety, heighten discomfort levels, and prolong the petty arguments that allow couples to bicker needlessly all night long.”

There’s a lot of science behind it too!While it’s a great advance it sexual technology, hopefully I’ll never have to use them.

This is post 37 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.