How my Grandma packs for road trips

True story.
I’m going to assume this is a universal Grandma trait, not something limited to Greek Grandmas. As much as I do love her avgolemono soup, not so easy to eat in the car…

Anyway, thanks, Yia yia! Now back to packing!

Oh gay stereotypes

Thursday night: Gay Male Friend lets me sleep on his futon

Gay Male Friend: Okay, so here’s your futon, and I’ve put out two different blankets in case you get cold, and there are three pillows but let me know if you want more, and there’s a towel in the bathroom on the door you can use, and in the morning I’ll make breakfast!
Me: You don’t have to make me breakfast…
Gay Male Friend: I know I don’t have to, but I want to!

Morning rolls around…

Gay Male Friend: What do you want to drink? I have orange juice, apple juice, milk –
Me: Uh, apple juice would be great.
Gay Male Friend: Oh, and this is my awesome pancake recipe, I hope you like it.
Me: …You’re making pancakes from scratch?
Gay Male Friend: Of course!
Me: …None of my straight male friends are going to do this.

Friday night: Straight Male Friend 1 lets me sleep on couch

Straight Male Friend 1: So, uh, here’s the couch. Let me go get a blanket.
Me: Uh, do you possibly have a towel I could use in the morning?
Straight Male Friend 1: Oh, sure *gets one*
Me: *…tries not to think where the towel has been*
Straight Male Friend 1: I don’t have much to offer for breakfast. I live off a diet of rice and beans.
Me: *laughs*
Straight Male Friend 1: No, I’m serious.
Me: …

Saturday night: Straight Male Friend 2 lets me sleep on couch

Me: …Uh, so can I have a blanket?
Straight Male Friend 2: Oh, sure, yeah *gets one*. Okay, good night!
Me: …There’s no pillow… gah… *uses cushion from other couch as emergency pillow*

After this, explaining this trend to Gay Male Friend 2

Me: And Gay Male Friend 1 even made me pancakes!
Gay Male Friend 2: Wait, from a box or from scratch?
Me: From scratch!
Gay Male Friend 2: Oh, good, I make them from scratch too.
Me: Goddamnit, why are all the good ones gay?

Boobquake: The Game

I can now add “Having a game made out of it” to my boobquake meme’s growing list of accomplishments. I’m not sure where it fits in with appearing on the Colbert Report and having a Wikipedia article, but it’s up there.

Here’s the trailer:

I admit I felt about every emotion possible while watching that.

  • Awe that I did something that inspired a game
  • Amusement at the juvenile humor
  • Annoyance at the fact that it’s only juvenile humor. Couldn’t put her in a lab coat? Have earthquake facts thrown in? I know it’s hard to believe, but boobquake was about skepticism, not boobs.
  • Happiness that it’s at least well done – the art is wonderful
  • Disgruntledness that someone’s making a game off of my idea without ever asking for my permission, and potentially making money from it
  • Disappointment that you run over women in burkas
  • Guilty glee that you get to run over angry feminists
  • …More disappointment that I actually look more like the angry feminist, not society’s stereotypical view of beauty (skinny, boobs hanging out, and blonde)

Hm. Mixed feelings indeed.

Though I have a hard time staying disgruntled when I know the creators are two punk-rock looking Germans who are my age and have great art skills, great bright red hair, and great Mario wallpaper.

(Via PahuPahu)

New York Recap Part3: Best burlesque show ever

If I haven’t given you enough evidence of how awesome my sister-in-law Erin is, she took me to Coney Island for a burlesque show. Not just any burlesque show… but Colonel Cornstar’s Cuntry Fair. Complete with a heavy petting zoo.Yes, a farm themed burlesque show. You know it had to be awesome.

But the cherry on top was the celebrity sighting we had there. We were standing in line waiting to get in when someone walked by who looked oddly familiar. I thought maybe I was seeing things, since 1) he was way more stubbly looking than usual and 2) we had just talked about seeing celebrities not an hour before, so maybe I just had celebrities on the brain. I peered at him as he was buying a drink two feet away, and eventually poked Erin, and she confirmed.

It was Ted Allen of Chopped, Food Detectives, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! I’m a Food Network fan and he’s my favorite persona (well, tied with Alton Brown), not to mention my favorite one from the Fab Five. He was there with his boyfriend and a couple of friends. I definitely flailed with glee. By pure luck I ended up sitting about two seats away from him.

The show itself was hilarious and awesome. I loved the pig who was covered in balloons, popped them with her tail, and then jumped in a bucket of “mud.” Ted Allen appeared to really get a kick out of the I Want Candy bit:

As the night went on, the skits became more bizarre and less farm themed. They included:

  • A conservative homophobic uber Christian coming out looking like Hester Prynne, stripping down as she has a crisis of faith, and then pulling fifteen feet of rainbow rope out of her vagina. If you think I’m making this up, there’s a NSFW video here.
  • A “white trash” girl screwed herself with one of those long skinny spiral lollipops. Yes, literally. I have no idea why or what that had to do with the rest of the show, but it definitely got a reaction out of the audience.
  • The inspiration for all of my future nightmares. She came out wearing a terrifying clown mask and 6 inch heels, and threw squirt guns into the audience while holding a sign that said “Shoot the Freak.”

Here she is:And here’s Ted Allen shooting the freak:Unfortunately he was always busy with his friends or getting a picture taken with the naked Pig Girl, so I didn’t get a chance to butt in and awkwardly ask for a photo. I didn’t realize until later that he was also a Purdue alumni – I could have had a good intro! Ah well. The experience alone was worth it. I mean, how many people get to say they watched a burlesque show with Ted Allen?

Delightfully bizarre.

(Videos via Year in Dance, the blog of the dancer with the magical rainbow rope hiding vagina)

A Flying Spaghetti Monster Wedding

From formspring.me: What are the guidelines to a Flying Spagetti Monster wedding? Are the roles gender specific? Can they be substituted easily for gay/lesbian couples?

Pastafarians aren’t known for being particular devout, so I’m not sure if we have any strict wedding traditions. But here are somethings you can try to do:

1. It is preferred to have the officiator dressed in full pirate regala for an occasion blessed by His Noodliness. But if you want to be accomidating of non-Pastafarians in attendence (like confused in-laws), subtle touches will do:2. If you’re having a reception, you must serve at least one pasta dish. Marinara, alfredo, and pesto are all acceptable sects.

3. Don’t miss an opportunity to count how many times you’ve been blessed by his noodly appendage. Pay the FSM homage on your wedding cake too:Pastafarians are also very GLBT friendly, so these traditions need not be limited to heterosexual couples.

Are there any other Pastafarian wedding traditions I’m forgeting? I may be out of the loop because I’m one of those Talk Like a Pirate Day/Halloween Pastafarians (I know, lazy – don’t judge me for not worshipping every Friday).

Best atheist sex toy ever

I did leave out one highlight from my St. Louis trip because it was so awesome that it deserved a post of its own. I received what could very well be the Most Hilariously Creative Atheist Gift Ever:Me: *pulling gift out of bag* Oh, cute, a Flying Spaghetti Monster! …*thinking* Wait, what is it attached to? Is this a blind fold? …There’s more in the bag…
Me: …*look of confusion*
Everyone else: *looks of extreme amusement*

I’m now the proud owner of a Flying Spaghetti Monster bondage set.

Seriously, I’m not sure if this level of awesomeness can be topped. The St. Louis Skeptics have set the bar pretty damn high when it comes to creative godless gifts. I’m afraid to challenge future groups I visit to try and top this… but I’m not going to discourage them either.

Thanks for the awesome gift, St. Louis Skeptics, especially Claire, who I believe was the one who made it (if I’m wrong, please correct me! All your names started blurring together by 3am!). I think this is definitely a untapped niche market. Get cracking on that Atheist Sex Toy Etsy Shop!

Back from St. Louis!

Speaking at the St. Louis Skeptics in the Pub was a ton of fun last night! It was awesome meeting everyone, and I hope everyone enjoyed my talk. Thanks to the Skeptical Society of St. Louis for inviting me, especially Mike for organizing it and Shelley and Andrea for letting me couch surf! And thanks to my readers who came out to see me – it’s always great talking to you guys, and I’m flattered that some of you even drove a couple hours to get there.

Some random thoughts from the trip:

  • The St. Louis arch is a lot huger than I thought!
  • There are a ton of butterflies in Illinois. I discovered this because I hit about one a minute during my 5 hour drive each way – my car is riddled with the remnants of the massacre. It was even more morbid when I hit two in the middle of a little mating ritual. Court each other in the middle of the highway isn’t exactly the best way to increase your fitness, butterflies.
  • I visited the “Skeptical Palace,” the house of two members of the Skeptical Society. Oh my goodness. I should have taken photos – this place is my dream house. So eclectic and full random biological specimens, scary little medicine bottles from the turn of the century, religious kitsch, and a podium from a Christian church that they use for their debate nights. Win. Oh, and they had the most adorable kitten. Best way to win over a guest – throw kittens at them.

Quote of the night, during discussion on weird porn:
Guy 1: That’s nothing, I once saw anthropomorphic pterodactyl porn.
Gal: Oh man, I’ve seen that one!!
Guy 1: Where he’s standing and flapping his wings while getting a blow job from the girl?
Guy 2: Is the girl a pterodactyl too?
Guy 1: No.
Guy 2: Well, then that’s just sick.

I love Skeptics so much.

Sometimes I forget that not everyone is a nerd

Mom: What do you imagine your wedding being like?
Me: …I kind of need someone to get married to first.
Mom: No, I mean, what would your dream wedding be like?
Me: I don’t really fantasize about my wedding. I don’t know, cheap.
Dad: Good, I raised you right. Now you won’t be the type who gets married too early just because you’re in love with the idea of getting married.
Mom: *disappointed look*
Me: I guess if I had an infinite amount of money, I would chose a really cool place to have it in. Like in a Natural History Museum.
Mom: …With dinosaurs and mummies and stuff?
Me: Yeah! I mean, how cool would that be, to get married under a giant fossilized skeleton of an ancient whale or something?
Mom: *look of horror and disgust*
Me: …Well I think it would be cool *pout*