Do you let religious people bother you?

I live in a red state in the Midwest so Christianity is hard to escape. You hear it everywhere – the workplace, standing in line at the grocery store, the doctor’s office, etc.

I once had an OBGYN reference the bible. That’s the last person I want preaching to me. You better believe that was my last appointment with her.

People bring up god openly and it is generally accepted. Christians around here aren’t afraid to talk – but I am and it pisses me off.

When I hear someone pushing religion it makes me really uncomfortable. I get angry and I can’t get it out of my head.

People tell me to let it go and be more accepting, but I can’t. It’s just not right. I can’t be the only one who feels uncomfortable, yet our voices go unheard.

Writing is my voice and sadly, the things I write on my blog I only discuss with my husband. The rest of the people in my personal life wouldn’t really be open to it.

But there is one exception. When I was promoting my poetry book, I spoke with many atheist and humanist groups. They were from all over and surprisingly, some were in my own backyard.

So I know I’m not alone – but how do I deal with the anger?

So many injustices and evils are rooted in religion so while someone saying “god is good” in the checkout lane may seem innocent, it really bothers me. How can something so wrong be so widely accepted?

So many Christians were just “raised that way” so maybe people truly don’t know what they’re supporting. Should I forgive their ignorance?

I know we are all humans just trying to get by but I also know the world would be a better place without religion. Even “innocent” comments out in the community perpetuate injustices and evils.

My anger is valid and justified but how do I keep it from eating me up inside?

Are you angry, too? How do you deal with it? Or maybe we can just commiserate together. Has anyone’s anger led to change? I would love to hear stories.

The Downside to Being Open About My Mental Illness

In my early twenties, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and an eating disorder – both of which I struggled with in childhood. I’ve had my ups and downs over the years but recovery remains an important part of my life. I’ve always been open about my struggles thinking I have nothing to hide, but it doesn’t always go as planned. Here are the downsides to being open about my mental illness:

When conflict arises, people assume I’m the problem because I’m the one with the mental illness, but it’s usually not true. They think I’m too sensitive or too crazy so they place all blame squarely on my shoulders instead of taking responsibility for their part.

I always feel I need to prove myself. I may have a schizophrenic disorder but I’m far from fragile. I have a full life and I can take on a lot. I assume people think I’m not capable. I feel the need to show the world what I can do – even though it’s probably not necessary.

People can be overly concerned and it makes me uncomfortable. I get annoyed when people ask me how I’m doing over and over again. I told you the first time, I’m fine. Don’t ask me about my therapy appointments because it’s none of your goddamn business. If I need help I’ll ask for it.

People see my illness – not me – and assume my feelings are symptoms. What I feel is valid – just as valid as the feelings of someone without a mental illness.

Being open about my mental illness has shown me I can’t depend on everyone – even loved ones. Not everyone has the capacity to be supportive and that really hurts sometimes. I’m learning to be more selective in who I trust.

It’s hard to be around other people who have unresolved issues and are unwilling to get help. I remember what that felt like and I’m not going back to that place. Of course, with everything I’ve been through I have an urge to help but I can’t save everyone. I have to focus on saving myself.

Despite these negative effects, I choose to continue to be open about my mental illness. My mental illness is a part of me and I feel I have a lot to offer the world. Dealing with people in my own life can be painful, but I hope one day my story will help others and that alone is worth it.

“Forbidden” — a poem from my book, Free to Roam

Forbidden

I’m drowning in your choppy sea of innocence.
You’re ass-deep in constricting dogma.

If you got your chance,
what would you do to me?

Green eyes and icy fingertips stripping me naked,
a bite that burns with intention.

Would you pin me down out of years of frustration
or newfound emancipation? We’ll never know.

This secret fantasy only plays out in your head
because god is always watching.

Sweet dreams, farm boy.
I’m going home to wash your shame off my dress.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)