I left my hometown at 18 and never looked back. However, the anger I felt back then lingers nearly 20 years later.

A Childhood Oppressed by Christianity

Back home, Christianity permeated everything. I went to a public school but you would never know it. Sometimes religion was discussed in class. Teachers had religious symbols and posters in their classrooms and there was almost always a prayer at school functions and events. I couldn’t breathe.

I spent a lot of my childhood planning my escape but at the time I didn’t realize how many other children were affected by the oppressive Christianity.

LGBTQ Loved Ones in the Closet

I have since learned that I have many LGBTQ friends and family that spent years – decades even – in the closet living in a place where it’s unsafe to be yourself. I couldn’t imagine the pain and anxiety of being in that situation.

The people I know of are now out but how many more are still trapped in the closet?

Angry in Toledo

Living in Toledo is much easier than living back home even though my hometown isn’t far away. I prefer living in an urban area where my daughter will experience lots of opportunities and diversity.

But still, I get angry in Toledo, too. Many Christians are very outspoken here and it’s hard not to be offended. It’s the Midwest and judgments are never far away.

I’ve held on to this anger for years and recently found poetry to be a good outlet.

 

I want to hear about your anger. Tell me I’m not alone.

Being involved with FtB has made me really curious —

How are atheists treated where you live?

Living in a more conservative area of the US I don’t always feel safe speaking openly and I know very few atheists in real life (three to be exact but two moved out of the area). I’ve learned living here that it’s easier to just let people assume you’re a Christian even though it feels miserable.

I know that there are places where atheists are the majority and are living openly and safe, but then I know there are places where you can be sentenced to death if you are believed to be an atheist.

Where does your home fall on the spectrum?

I love writing poetry and atheism is a topic I visit frequently in my poems. Many of my poems are imaginative which sometimes creates an interesting juxtaposition. I write about common sense, the bible being a fictional work and logic all in flowery language and fantastical narrative. Sometimes my poems are really out there.

However, I also write poems about love, empathy, and resilience, which are also important parts of atheism. I write about my passions and I love being able to share the different aspects of my life as an atheist.

I’m an introvert and definitely not much of a talker. This is why writing is so important to me. It’s a way for me to share my story and connect with others without all the awkwardness and anxiety. I love writing articles and blog posts, but I’m definitely drawn to the freedom and creativity of poetry.

I hope you don’t mind me sharing my poems now and again. It’s nice to have an outlet.

I hate it when someone recovers from a medical condition and god gets all the credit. It’s a miracle! He’s either good or mysterious, right? If I was a doctor that would infuriate me.

But there’s something even worse.

A few years ago, a friend of mine overcame a hardship at work. This friend – who had never been religious in the past – credited god for her success. She said she couldn’t do it on her own so god must have been helping her. Well, obviously she could do it and it’s absolutely heartbreaking that she couldn’t recognize her own inner strength.

People are resilient and should take credit for their personal accomplishments.

Of course, this inspired me to write a poem…

 

You Didn’t Need God

You said you couldn’t do it alone
But you did.
We are all powerful
In our own lives.
Scale that jagged cliff,
Surf those tempest-swept waters–
You are in charge.
You’re secretly surefooted,
Resourceful with undiscovered confidence.
What you think is strength in god
Is really strength within yourself.
You are more capable than you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grew up thinking something was wrong with me. My family has lived in Northwest Ohio since before the Civil War and yet I’ve never felt like I fit in here. My feelings towards religion have always been a glaring difference between me and other people in the area; however, this difference was more painful and destructive in my childhood. Everyone else was obviously seeing something I couldn’t. No one wants to be different as a kid, so I kept my thoughts to myself. (Although, that changed when I was a teenager.)

Skepticism as a Child

It seems like many question the existence of god as an adult, but did any of you question as a child? I have always been skeptical but then again I didn’t have much religious influence from my immediate family growing up. I felt pressure from classmates and their families.

The Struggle of Questioning in Secret

I would go to church with friends and try to “force” myself to believe. My fellow churchgoers were probably unaware of my inner turmoil, but now as an adult, I wonder how many of them were in the same boat. There are more of us than we know. This thought inspired a recent poem of mine:

 

Stuck in the Closet

There are crowds of atheists
cloaked in the long shadows of steeples –
even more than we know.

They swallow the truth
Because they think they have to,
Because maybe they were raised that way.

One, two, ten years
In a dark closet –
Their thoughts echo in the loneliness.

They secretly question as
A tortured mind now liberated
But another voice suppressed.

They’re scared
But even more angry.
I know that innermost turmoil.

Let that anger fuel progress –
A passionate fire that lights the way.
The most liberated life is an honest one.

 

How common is Skepticism?

Humans are curious creatures and skepticism seems natural. You would think questioning god would be a normal part of growing up. It’s unfortunate that feeling skeptical at any age can be a painful experience – no matter how common it really is.

I wish I had the ability to tell everyone that has secretly questioned (including my younger self) that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him or her. Imagine how powerful that would be.

 

Did any of you have a time where you were questioning god in secret? Has being skeptical ever been a painful experience?