“Staying Alive” is among the buckets of emergency food available from “The Jim Bakker Show” for a donation. Inside: 241 servings of buttermilk pancakes, potato flakes, vegetable stew blend, Morning Moo’s low fat milk alternative and more. Tim Funk, Charlotte Observer.
Oh The Bakkers, always shilling. They’re just trying to stay alive! They have some seriously nice digs for people who are supposedly hangin’ by fingernails.
Televangelist Jim Bakker used Friday’s episode of his television program to warn that the volcano under Yellowstone National Park will soon erupt and urge his audience to buy his buckets of survival food to prepare. Bakker, whose business dealings around his prepper food are murky, told his audience that he was selling them the food at a very low margin. “I feel like we’re more of a co-op, you help me and I’m helping you, and we’re a co-op,” he said.
Mmm. Feeling like you’re a co-op doesn’t make it so. I suspect that Bakker doesn’t even know what an actual co-op is or how one works. I imagine he’d be horrified by the idea.
After offering his audience a soon-to-expire deal on food buckets, Bakker explained that his ministry takes “a piece” of the payment. “A little part of it goes to keep us on the air,” he said, “and it’s really a small part, it’s not even what a big store would have, a lot of stores would have a lot more profit in it than we do, but it’s what we do. It’s keeping us alive, but it’s going to keep you alive.”
Oh just a bit, a tiny bit! And everyone has to take him at his word, because the Bakkers have their con registered as a church, and they disclose nothing. This is their “church”:
Morningside Church, in Blue Eye, Mo. Tim Funk, Charlotte Observer.
Perhaps it’s just me, but that looks considerably higher than ‘stayin’ alive’ to me.
He went on to explain that he keeps buckets of food stored away in “hidden places” in his house so that he won’t get robbed in the End Times. “Just keep it a secret at your house,” he advised. “Because in the last days, perilous times comes, and see what kind of people are going to roaming around? Killers, without any love, without mercy. They’re just going to hate each other and judge each other.”
This is Bakker’s routine chorus, he’s been preaching end times for one hell of a long time now. I always find this interesting, because it always comes across like there’s no expectation of getting swept up by the rapture. I think if the whole planet is going to be 90% killers running about, perhaps having a stash of ick inna bucket might be a low priority. If Jim truly believes this line of crap, I’d think he’d be fervently in favour of gun control, but no.
“Remember that song you sang, ‘Staying Alive’?” he asked his wife, Lori. “Well, we’ve got to stay alive and we’ve got to pay the bills, that’s all. I feel like we’re more of a co-op, you help me and I’m helping you, and we’re a co-op.”
Everyone has to stay alive and pay the bills, Lori. It’s not a problem unique to you. Most people work honest though, rather than grifting and fleecing people, and doing it in the most gruesome of ways:
Yes, this is the compleat slaughter of My Girl. :shudder:
Dude, and you think that hiding that shit is going to save you?
Also, I had to google this “food bucket”: That is at most 10 bucks worth of staples.
That church looks oddly like a set of upscale condominiums. Probably because that’s exactly what it is. A hundred and eleven of them, to be precise.
the volcano under Yellowstone National Park will soon erupt
Pro: Jim Bakker might get fucked
Pro: Smoke might cool planet a bit
Con: dust would raise planetary albedo
Con: A lot of innocent people would suffer horribly
Hm.
The ‘Con’ have it. But it’s close.
Onamission5:
That church looks oddly like a set of upscale condominiums
A roof over my head for the rain, O lord,
and a tax shelter from the taxes.
Every fucking thing is apparently a reason that everyone needs to buy his buckets o’ slop.
I could not have said it better myself, johnson catman.
johnson catman@#5:
Every fucking thing is apparently a reason that everyone needs to buy his buckets o’ slop.
You NEED to buy our SURVIVAL GLOP because there is a RAIN of PREACHERS COMING! It is going to rain down a veritable locust-plague of evangelicals and they will TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY! BUY OUR SURVIVAL GLOP WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
“The profit margin is so small”, Mr. Bakker added, “I’ll basically cut my own throat”
lumipuna @#8 says:
That’s it! From now on I will refer to him (when I refer to him at all) as “C.M.O.T. Bakker”.
And, since what goes better together than Pratchett and Zappa, “Remember, there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.”
Note that the label advertises “Up to 30 year self life” (my emphasis, obviously)… So, no guarantees on the shelf life at all then, except that it won’t be more than 30 years.
Not that a year’s worth of emergency rations is going to do you a damn bit of good anyway if the Yellowstone supervolcano goes off…
Damn, even with their theocracy in the White House they can’t stop whining about the end times.