Bro Yoga.


Michael DeCorte, centres, adopts an upward dog pose alongside Salmaan Sayeed, left, and Howie Track at Toronto's Moksha Yoga studio. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)

Michael DeCorte, centres, adopts an upward dog pose alongside Salmaan Sayeed, left, and Howie Track at Toronto’s Moksha Yoga studio. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)

Bro-yoga. Broga. Jock yoga. Jo-yoga. Yep, gotta dress it up all stupid and toxic macho, that way it just does the best for da dudes. And, they won’t be distracted by women in lycra.

“Yoga is more than just women contorting themselves into vegan pretzels,” says Michael DeCorte, the Toronto “man-treprenuer” behind Jock Yoga, an athletic mashup that combines the mindfulness of sun salutations with the muscle burn of pumping iron.

Right, women doing yoga isn’t yoga at all, it’s just women being all frilly and silly. It doesn’t have any benefits at all, no. Well, not until the carnivorous, beer swilling men get into it. Then it’s good. (There’s beer after class.)

“Originally, it was just a gimmick,” says DeCorte. “When I first saw it on a poster, it was almost like an oxymoron … You see yoga and think, ‘spiritual,’ and jock you think, ‘laid-back, swearing, burping.”‘

You know, all my life, ‘jock’ has applied to athletes. I had no idea there was a complete shift to “laid back, swearing, and burping”. I have no idea of how much these people are charging for the special homosocial yoga, but I expect a regular yoga class might be cheaper, and just exercising around women won’t have any deleterious effects. You can go and read the full silliness here.

Comments

  1. rq says

    exercising around women won’t have any deleterious effects

    Huh, might actually have some beneficial effects, such as increased exposure to women in ordinary situations, thus making them less mythical and mystical; might even start seeing them as human beings one day!

  2. Saad says

    Shouldn’t have culturally appropriated it and turned it into a “girly thing” in the first place.

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    “Jock yoga” abbreviates, to my ear, as “Jokah”.

    May their hair turn green and Batman beat them up, over and over again.

  4. says

    Saad @ 2:

    Shouldn’t have culturally appropriated it and turned it into a “girly thing” in the first place.

    *Imagines the sputtering responses this would garner.*

  5. Siobhan says

    Shouldn’t have culturally appropriated it and turned it into a “girly thing” in the first place.

    Not just any girly thing either. Woosters are universally pretty white waifs. You have to be the right kind of girly in order to achieve nirvana.

    Or… something.

  6. chigau (違う) says

    When I first did yoga, over thirty years ago, it was about exercise, strength, flexibility.
    No woo.
    No spandex.

  7. rq says

    No woo.
    No spandex.

    That wasn’t Real Yoga (TM). Sorry. ;)

    Shouldn’t have culturally appropriated it and turned it into a “girly thing” in the first place.

    They’re going for a recovery operation. Cleansing away the girl cooties by offering beer (which is backfiring, as per the last yoga studio mentioned in the article:

    In Halifax, Jo-Ga at the Rock in Opposition Yoga & Pilates Studio takes a similar, no-nonsense fitness-based approach to yoga, but moves a little slower than Jock Yoga’s plank-a-second pace.

    The studio is outfitted with hip, faux-western decor, and classes are capped with a round of craft beer.

    There’s one other difference — the class is overwhelmingly attended by women.

    “This class does cater to male bodies but that can be relevant to plenty of women as well,” says teacher Nikki Martin. “(Women are) embracing powerful and what powerful looks like.”

    The class was once called Broga, but in recognition of its unlikely core audience, the studio has since changed the name.

    Of course, it’s all about women trying to keep up with men, not, you know, enjoying some challenging exercise followed by a beer.

  8. rq says

    … Although on the surface, “a similar, no-nonsense fitness-based approach to yoga” sounds like a pretty good deal, if they’re focussing on the exercise and doling out less of the woo. Unfortunately, it seems that this rational approach is being catered to (obviously rational!!) men. Because everyone knows women aren’t rational.

  9. blf says

    Because everyone knows women aren’t rational.

    It’s the cooties. They block incoming, and distort outgoing, rationality.

    Beards are said to have an opposite effect, attracting incoming, and enhancing outgoing, rationality. However, the tendency of priests (e.g.) to have beards suggests otherwise, especially since they aren’t (supposedly) contaminated by cooties (keeping away from those icky wimmin).

    One hypothesis is there are two sorts of beards (more probably, a spectrum), cootie-like and cootie-unlike. Priests have the cootie-like beards (which doesn’t mean they like cooties, only that the beard does the same thing to rationality as cooties do).

    That hypothesis suggests there could be cootie-less, and hence possibly rational, women. Alleged sightings have indeed been made, and then devoured by trolls.

  10. says

    That’s it. I’ve failed to cash in on fragile masculinity for long enough. It’s time to start up the following companies…

    Brolet -- ballet classes for dudes.

    Broghurt -- because men need to poop regularly just as much as Jamie Lee Curtis.

    Brawn Mantenance -- because why not make lawn maintenance even more manly?

    Manpons -- while mostly for trans men who are encouraged to embrace the worst of toxic masculinity ( https://proxy.freethought.online/frontier/2016/06/06/passing-trans-men-and-toxic-masculinity/ ), they can also be a way for cis men to buy tampons for their significant others without collapsing into a gelatinous fear of association with anything society codes as female.

    Jockghurt -- because Broghurt is too whimpy.

    Zumbro -- hey, dudes wanna dance to fitness too!

    The Dude Fairy -- so Dad can rest assured little Timmy’s tooth is being taken by a manly man who will leave a cold brewski under the pillow.

    Toilet Papbro -- five plies and rough as sandpaper.

  11. rq says

    The Dude Fairy – so Dad can rest assured little Timmy’s tooth is being taken by a manly man who will leave a cold brewski under the pillow.

    The Rock just might reprise his most famous role for this version.

    Unfortunately, the toilet paper’s already been done, though I’m sure if you collaborate with them and just do a simple branding change, you can still get a little bit rich.

    About the manpons, though -- once the men buy them, how are cis women supposed to use them? Aren’t they too masculine for the wimminz now?

  12. says

    Tabby @ 14:

    I am deeply in favour of a broternet/manternet that is distinct and separate from the internet.

    Yes. Yes, I am too.

  13. says

    I remember back, around 1979, when my girlfriend started wearing a button that read: “if we can send one man to the moon, why can’t we send them all?”
    She said she wasn’t kidding but I’ve only recently realized that she wasn’t kidding about not kidding.

  14. says

    Marcus:

    She said she wasn’t kidding but I’ve only recently realized that she wasn’t kidding about not kidding.

    Well, hey, you got it. Eventually. Now, about the broternet / manternet, of course all the weak, feminist mangina types of men can stay on the internet. We just want all the manly man assholes off on their own cavenet, where they will feel all safe and secure and stuff.

  15. blf says

    The wimpnet / broternet / femnazinet / manternet / longpignet is a minor sideshow. What’s needed is a penguinetcheesevinet. With MUSHROOMS!

  16. Gregory Greenwood says

    I now feel the need to apologize to women on behalf of all men everywhere… again. This is happening more and more these days.

    ————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

    Pierce R. Butler says @ 3;

    “Jock yoga” abbreviates, to my ear, as “Jokah”.

    May their hair turn green and Batman beat them up, over and over again.

    Even better, Wonder Woman (I imagine she’ll be extra careful not to break them like dry twigs… any more than strictly necessary, anyway) -- I’m sure the Bat wouldn’t mind…

    ——————————————————————————————————————————————

    Caine @ 21;

    Now, about the broternet / manternet, of course all the weak, feminist mangina types of men can stay on the internet. We just want all the manly man assholes off on their own cavenet, where they will feel all safe and secure and stuff.

    If it is a choice between being a ‘mangina’ and thus a decent, principled feminist human being (who happens to be a bloke) on the one hand, and being a toxic, misogynistic arsehat who lives in a constant state of fear of (and hatred for) half the species (and probably the better half at that) on the other, then sign me up for my ‘mangina and proud’ T-shirt post haste!

    Heck, I might wear the sentiment in the form of a collar or even get it tattooed onto me… if the right lady were to ask me… but that is a separate topic nobody here wants to hear too much about I’m sure.

    An internet free of manly man, dudebro arsehattery is hard to imagine but would be wonderful to experience. And with the misogynists condemned to their own ninth circle of dude-net hell full of virtual gyno-slaves and all the other toxic junk their testosterone poisoned minds can dream up, the rest of humanity might actually be able to move forwards and build a better tomorrow -- it’s a win-win.

  17. rq says

    I might wear the sentiment in the form of a collar or even get it tattooed onto me

    A tattooed collar covers all bases. Excep the t-shirt, but since you’re likely to be a slave to feminists, I’m pretty sure there’s a mandatory no-t-shirt rule for all men.

  18. Gregory Greenwood says

    rq @ 24;

    A tattooed collar covers all bases.

    Two birds with one stone -- efficient. I like it.

    Excep the t-shirt, but since you’re likely to be a slave to feminists, I’m pretty sure there’s a mandatory no-t-shirt rule for all men.,/blockquote cite=>

    Well that will simplify the dress code nicely. Though that said, such a universal rule of bloke related non-shirtness might not amount to the cornucopia of toned thorax and abdominal musculature many of the ladies (and a few of the guys) might be anticipating (even with mandatory exercise regimens and specialized diets provided by our benevolent lady overlords) -- there are some practicalities and hard realities of body morphology that are stubbornly hard to overcome.

    Then again, if the ladies and gents in question have a thing for pasty, hairy and from slightly, through moderately to (being honest) really quite markedly flabby masculine physiques, then who am I to argue? I will only start worrying if (or perhaps when) the running, screaming, sounds of dry retching and attempts to remove one’s own eyeballs with a spoon begin in earnest…

    Perhaps the odd exception to the shirtlessness rule might be prudent after all…?

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