If you’re in the Seattle area and want to join some skeptics for dinner while listening to me talk about boobquake, you’re in luck! The Seattle Society for Sensible Explanations (run by the wonderful SkepDoc, Harriet Hall) is hosting me this Saturday, November 13th. All the information you need is at their website (along with a very flattering bio of yours truly *blushes*). You must RSVP by Wednesday if you want to attend.
See you there!
A big congratulations to my fellow Seattle heathens. Ask an Atheist, a public access television show that answers live questions about atheism, won four awards at 2010 SCAN Awards: Favorite Religious, Spiritual, or Faith Program, Favorite Locally Produced Program, Favorite New Program of 2010, and Favorite Studio/Live Program. Apparently their wins made the award ceremony amusing:
The event featured musical acts by local talent including: a gospel choir who did not appear to enjoy our success, a solo acoustic folk act, and some traditional Indian music from the host of another show on SCAN, ‘Bandish‘. Our success at the event turned us into a bit of a joke about half-way through the show, with Warren Etheredge of ‘The High Bar’ asking if our success was part of “God’s plan”.
Congratulations, Ask an Atheist! Their shows are also available online, so check them out here!
That’s my special way of saying that HUMP was fucking brilliant. Or brilliant fucking. Whichever way you want to look at it, it was amazing.
Me: *takes out a pen and paper*
Friend: …Are you going to take notes?
Me: I’m a blogger, shush!
It’s hard to explain exactly how much awesome was packed into these videos, but here were some highlights, including my personal picks for the awards:
People kept asking me, “Don’t you think it’s going to be awkward watching porn in a room full of strangers – or worse, with friends?” Obviously those people don’t know me that well. The first video was super funny, which helped diffuse any tension that was in the room. But watching with other people is what made it even more enjoyable. Hearing the audience laugh or cry “aaauuuuugggghhhh” in unison was great, as was glancing over to see my friends’ reactions to a particularly funny or horrifying bit.
Friend: *whispers* That was my first gay sex video I’ve ever watched!
Me: *shakes hand*
Overall, I was impressed by the quality of the videos. Most were very well done cinematically and artistically. And honestly, the people were way more attractive and the sex was way hotter than your stereotypical porn because it wasn’t super fake. Seriously, porn industry, not everyone needs a foot long cock and fake boobs to make something erotic.
And a personal highlight – I finally got to meet Dan Savage! When we were waiting to go inside the theater he recognized me, said hello, gave me a hug, and then we chatted for a bit. I can’t get over how I listen to his podcast and read his posts on Slog religiously, and then he’s telling me that he reads my blog every day and is looking forward to my review of HUMP. It’s just so bizarrely awesome to have someone you respect so much say that. So, uh, hi Dan, and thanks!
HUMP managed to exceed my expectations, and I had pretty high expectations going in. This is definitely becoming a yearly tradition for me as long as I’m in Seattle – and maybe even beyond that!
Their exhibit “Psychiatry: An Industry of Death” was rotating in Seattle. And when I say rotating, I mean it was temporarily in an old Hollywood Video Store. And when I say exhibit, I mean insane propaganda filled screed. Of course, I guess it’s easy to be anti-psychiatry when you believe the alien Xenu came to Earth millions of years ago to drop hydrogen bombs into volcanoes and we’re now all infected with the ghosts of his victims. To them, real psychological disorders probably seem normal in comparison.
Anyway, it closed for good last night. I’m secretly thankful, because I know the masochistic blogger in me would have felt compelled to check it out. Now I can just giggle about it without the inevitable facepalming.
This morning I’m going to “Smut and Eggs,” a gathering of awesome people to watch gay porn while eating brunch. Then tonight I’m going to the gay bar by my house to sing karaoke with a guy who’s actually not gay, but just shares my appreciation for gay culture (aka fabulousness). And then next Friday I’m going to Hump!, “The Pacific Northwest’s biggest and best amateur-and-locally-produced porn festival” and pet project of Dan Savage.
…I’ve come a long way from a one-gay-bar-city and anti-porn evangelical Christian events. Trying to hold back the tears of pervy joy…
Enjoy the schadenfreude, everyone.
My landlord just knocked on the door to discuss various landlord-y things, like how he’ll fix one of my broken chairs and how much Comcast sucks. He asked how grad school was going and what sorts of classes I’m taking, and I mentioned how Gene Regulation was really hard. He’s on a board that heads genetic research for a certain disease, so we were having a pretty in depth discussion about genetics. It was nice until…
Landlord: Well, I’m a creationist. Though most of my colleagues are evolutionists.
Me: …Well, I also have a degree in evolution. Genetics and evolution.
Landlord: *glint in eye*
Me: What have I done?!
He then spent the next fifteen minutes trying to convince me that junk DNA somehow proves evolution is wrong, how evolution can’t predict anything or be useful, how no study has shown evolution to be true. I tried to provide counter arguments as nicely as possibly, while trying not to get evicted from my apartment.
Landlord: Well, I shouldn’t keep you from your paper any longer. But I see I’m going to have a lot of work to do with you. *wink*
Me: I could say the same thing *wink back*
Landlord: Haha, bye!
Me: …FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
I should state that my landlord is super nice and helpful (and looks just like the old man from Up!). I just spend so much of my life debating creationists, I like to escape from it at home. As long as “Must debate evolution before rent is accepted” doesn’t become part of my lease, I’m happy.
I just hope he doesn’t Google my name.
Somehow I was able to get to sleep last night, but I was forced to wake up early because my bed was being delivered. Finally! The air mattress my landlord had lent me was slowly becoming deflated, so every night of sleeping became sadder and sadder. But here came the movers with my big new bed!
In a horrible twist of fate, THEY BROUGHT IN TWO MORE GIANT HOUSE SPIDERS. I froze watching one cling to my box spring, thankfully on the outside of a plastic sheath. When it fell to the ground, the guy simply picked it up like it was a piece of trash and carried it out. I was terrified. I mean, I’m glad he removed them, but ararrhghgh.
…I mean, I think he removed all of them. Gulp.
The worst part? I have this little overhanging canopy above my door overgrown with some cute vines. As they brought in the mattress, a giant house spider became dislodged from the vines and fell down to the opening of my door.
My doorway is a giant house spider home.
Fuck.
I would say I’m going to go buy a bottle of strong liquor to calm my nerves, but that actually involves going through the giant house spider infested portal. Right now I just can’t imagine walking under something that I know contains these horrifying things. I’m doomed.
Maybe I can use my sincere terror to negotiate with my landlord about how he really should let me have a cat. I’d be willing to pay a pet deposit – I need a spider assassin on duty at all times. Plus, cat’s require less effort than keeping around a spider squishing boyfriend.
Your regularly scheduled atheist programming will be back once Jen stops freaking out.
Even though you failed to warn me about terrifying spiders, I still can’t wait to see my Seattle readers. Don’t forget that tonight is our meetup!
Sunday, September 19th
6:30 pm until whenever
Seamonster Lounge
2202 N 45th St (in Wallingford)
See you there!
Seattleites, you have some ‘splaining to do. Why the fuck did no one warn me about these “Giant House Spiders” that are apparently so common in Seattle? Gaaaaarrahrahbbebabelle.
I’ve blogged about my arachnophobia before, but just in case it’s not clear: I am fucking terrified of spiders. Like, even ones that are a millimeter in diameter. I recognize that this is a totally irrational fear, but I can’t logic it away, so please spare me. Consider this an evolutionary adaptation.
So yeah. Finding two daddy long legs (which, I know, are not spiders, but are spider-y enough) was unnerving. Finding some decent sized spiders guarding my mail box was flail inducing, especially since I see them hanging out in bushes everywhere. But this?
This is unacceptable.
I am not going to show or even link to a photo of these horrible things, not because I don’t want to scare you, but because I am too terrified to even look at them on my computer screen. I turned around, ready to go to bed, and there’s this enormous spider on my wall. It was brown, hairy, and each leg was thick and almost two inches long (not a wolf spider though – unfortunately I have seen those in person). The only reason I was brave enough to squish it was because the idea of waking up and it not being there was even more terrifying. Someone should have been videotaping me as I ran around flailing, silently screaming, and eventually settling on squishing it with a mop because I couldn’t get any closer.
Hilarious for you. Not hilarious for me.
One of the more unnerving parts was how it died. I expected my wall to be covered in exploded spider guts. Instead, it sort of just crumpled into a little ball and fell off. The worst part? I found an identical looking dead crumpled spider yesterday, which means my landlord probably squished one of these before I came. Which means multiple giant house spiders within a short period of time.
FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
If I had vodka, I’d be doing shots right now to calm my nerves. I feel like stuff is crawling all over me, and I was verging on a panic attack until I decided to blog my neurosis. Seriously, I am not going to be able to sleep tonight. I’m on an air mattress that’s about 3 inches off the ground. At least with a bed I can pretend I’m safe.
Please don’t point out how I’m not :(
Friend: They like cold, dry places like basements, not inside the house.I’ve NEVER seen one in my bed, EVER. If they’re EVER in the house, they like corners of rooms and bathroom tubs because they like really really cold, dry, dark spaces. I’m being as honest as I can here. I’m so sorry this sucks for you. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?
Me: I LIVE IN A BASEMENT
Friend: …uh. Sorry.
EDIT:
Same Friend: My friend just told me that flea bombs work for spiders. And he says keeping a spotless place is the best defense
Me: Fuccccccckkkkkkk. I am a slob
Friend: Oh, hon.
Me: I will fucking clean if it means no giant ass spiders.
Friend: Yes! Good can come of this!
…but not the spike pits and Wall of Death.
I’m going to be walking past this every day on my way too and from school. I hope this isn’t an omen.
On the bright side, I’m happy that my new iPhone 4G (yes, I broke down) takes such nice photos! My old camera was 4 years old and being held together by duct tape, so this is a nice replacement. And while I’m rambling about iPhones, App suggestions are welcome.
