I am a masochist

Tonight I watched the Republican debate on Fox News with three of my other liberal minded friends. Pretty much all I got out of it was:

Ron Paul: Completely off his rocker fiscally (durrr, isolationism, that worked in the past amirite?!?!), but oddly says very sane things about most social issues. Maybe not all of the policies I’d implement, but lots of things I could live with. This made me feel oddly dirty while watching a Republican debate.

Herman Cain: Makes all of his points while counting on his fingers (though usually doesn’t keep track properly). His credentials are being the head of a pizza chain I’ve never heard of. Apparently there’s one in Tacoma, and we’re tempted to make a trip to try it out. Because seriously, if the man can’t even make a good pizza, can he run the country?

Tim Pawlenty: Bland and unmemorable, which means he probably has the best shot at the nomination amongst the crazies. Oh, and apparently he comes from a working class family, which he reminded us about ten billion times. We dubbed him the Republican John Edwards.

Rick Santorum: Scares the fucking shit out of me. He is my nightmare. Can’t…can’t even summarize. By far produced the most screaming at the television.

Gary Johnson: Again, didn’t agree with everything, but was scared when I did find myself occasionally noting that he had a sane stance on something. Refreshing in the “I know I don’t have a chance so I’m speaking my mind” way. Oddly reminded me of a muppet.

And overall impressions? I learned it’s super important that we list the religion, marital status, and number of children of each candidate lest we vote for the wrong type of Christian. And that all of these Republican candidates are fucking jokes.

Brain cells died, but the liberal in me rejoiced. Obama isn’t my dream candidate, but he’s better than the alternatives.

I love my Dad

Here’s his reaction to finding out the city council where he and my mom live are praying to Jesus:

It has come to my attention that the Constitution is being threatened in Lady Lake, Florida. For you who have never heard of Lady Lake, it is part of a retirement development known as The Villages. The average inhabitant is about 70+ years old. It’s a great place if you love golf and living an active lifestyle. However, it should be no surprise that it’s prime tea-bag party area. The local newspaper’s favorite columnist is Ollie North, a convicted felon. It also should come as no surprise that the local city council starts every meeting with a secular prayer. The city council says its’ prayer is not meant to favor any one religion, in spite of the fact that they usually end with, “in Jesus’ name we pray”. They also claim they are doing nothing illegal, since the meeting doesn’t officially start until the prayer is completed.

Although I am not surprised by this development, since most of the residences are gun nuts, religious zealots, and war mongers, but I have found that there are also some sane people. I play tennis with a group of guys who are surprisingly liberal. Recently, they asked my opinion on Huckabee for President, and I issued a disclaimer that I was an atheist and I considered all right wing religious politicians as the vanguard for the American Taliban. Instead of stoning me, they wanted to know more about my opinions. I told them, When I am King, people will be able to express their religious beliefs freely in church and their home, but will have to keep their mouth zipped in public. There will be no tax deductions for churches and you will no longer be able to run for office claiming God told you to do it. Everyone knows there is only one god — The Golf God — and he has plenty of bad golf swings in The Villages to keep him/her busy without taking on politics.

I’m becoming convinced that snark is a heritable trait. Quick, someone do a genetic analysis!

You know what else has unique human DNA like a fertilized egg?

Cancer.

Just sayin’.

Science aside of the day:
Well, and T lymphocytes. “T cells” are a type of white blood cell involved in the immune response. They’re special because they undergo something called somatic recombination.

Try to remember back to high school biology. During meiosis (the formation of gametes) there’s a step where Chromosome 1 from Mom and Chromosome 1 from dad can swap chunks of DNA – that’s recombination. It’s the reason why we have so much diversity – because you’re not just getting Grandma or Grandpa’s chromosome, you’re getting a mix of both.

Usually this only happens when making sperm or eggs, but there’s one time it occurs in non-gamete (somatic) cells – in the production of T cells. A protein called a T cell receptor recognizes antigens (foreign particles) from viruses, bacteria, parasites, and even tumor cells. But think of it – if there was just one gene coding for a T cell receptor, we’d only be able to recognize one type of antigen. That’s no good – we need to be able to recognize millions!

Thankfully evolution has the answer. The T cell receptor gene has three main segments: Variable, Diverse, and Joining. There are 65 V, 27 D, and 6 J – but the cell only needs one of each! That’s where somatic recombination comes in – it randomly deletes all but on of each segment, leaving the cell with a unique combination.

“But wait,” cry my more mathematical readers, “that only leaves 10,530 combinations! That’s not very diverse at all!” You’re right! These huge structural differences make up most of the diversity, but these genes are also hypermutable – they gain mutations WAY faster than other genes. So that contributes to the diversity even more!

So, are we ready to start calling every T cell a person because it has a unique human genome? I’m not sure if my psyche can stand all the funeral’s I’d be having every time I get sick.

The most logical abortion laws

We can add Alabama to the growing list of states heaping more and more restrictions on abortion – though their proposal is especially stringent. Three bills (introduced by a Republican, of course) are attempting to “redefine “person” as “any human being from the moment of fertilization or the functional equivalent thereof” — and require that all uses of the word “person” in the state constitution be accompanied by “all humans from the moment of fertilization.”

You know, maybe these people have a point. Maybe being ejected from a womb is an arbitrary cutoff point for where life begins. Maybe we do have to take it back to the zygote – the initial cell formed after fertilization. After all, that zygote has the potential to eventually become a human being!

Just like how every egg has the potential to become a zygote, which is why all girls now must constantly attempt to become pregnant after their first period, and any subsequent period will be tried as murder.

And how every sperm has the potential to become a zygote, which is why now all ejaculation except for procreational purposes will be tried as mass murder (though we can downgrade wet dreams to involuntary manslaughter).

And how every ovary and testis has the potential to produce gametes, which is why now any accidents that damage them will be tried as involuntary manslaughter, but voluntary sterilization will be tried as murder.

And how every stem cell has the potential to become a gonad, which is why now all stem cell research will stop immediately, even that done on lab derived adult stem cells.

And how every nutrient you eat has the potential to become a part stem cells, which is why now eating will be illegal. Look, we solved the national obesity epidemic too!

And how many inorganic molecules have the potential to become a nutrient, which is why now moving will be illegal, lest we disturb the fate of an atom to become incorporated into a particularly delicious carbohydrate (which you can’t eat, sorry).

And how stars have the potential to produce different elements, which is why… well, I’m not sure if we can do anything about supernovas, so we may have to let that slide for practical reasons.

I know pro-zygoters aren’t the best at science, so hopefully this helped them understand their logic a little better. I’m a horrible human being who cares more about adult women than cells and atoms, so I’m going to keep destroying all of these potential humans and looking at photos of supernovas with awe instead of horror.

But good luck to all the pro-zygoters out there in their lifestyle! I know I had a hard time eating less junk food, let alone giving up eating and all mobility. Be sure to let us know how that goes.

More Indianapoplexy

Here’s the article from the ACLU:

On December 23, 2010, Shuai, a 34-year-old pregnant woman who was suffering from a major depressive disorder, attempted to take her own life. Friends found her in time and persuaded her to get help. Six days later, Shuai underwent cesarean surgery and delivered a premature newborn girl who, tragically, died four days later.

On March 14, 2011, Shuai was arrested, jailed, and charged with murder and attempted feticide. Had Shuai, who is being represented by National Advocates for Pregnant Women and local attorneys, not been pregnant when she attempted suicide, she would not have been charged with any crime at all.

Of course, no one would deny that what happened in this case is terrible and tragic, and probably no one feels that more than Shuai herself. But this case is about so much more than whether attempted suicide should be a crime — in Indiana it is not — and the death of her daughter; its implications go much further.

The state is misconstruing the criminal laws in this case in such a way that any pregnant woman could be prosecuted for doing (or attempting) anything that may put her health at risk, regardless of the outcome of her pregnancy.

That’s right: according to the ways the laws are being applied here, the state of Indiana believes that any pregnant woman who smokes or lives with a smoker, who works long hours on her feet, who is overweight, who doesn’t exercise, or who fails to get regular prenatal care, is a felon. And the list of ways these laws could be construed to unconstitutionally prosecute pregnant women goes on and on.

Allowing the government to exercise such unlimited control over women’s bodies, decisions, and every aspect of their lives, and to send them to jail when they disapprove of a woman’s behavior, would essentially reduce pregnant women to second-class citizens by denying them the basic constitutional rights enjoyed by the rest of us.

Moreover, what does it say about our society — about our obsession with incarceration and using the criminal justice system to treat public health issues, and with controlling women’s lives and treating women as if they were somehow separate from their own pregnancies — that we would give a life sentence to a woman who tried to kill herself, just because she did so, in a moment of utter despair and distress, at the end of a wanted pregnancy? Is this (or any) punishment really appropriate here? Does anyone really think this will somehow deter desperate and distraught pregnant women from attempting suicide in the future?

If, as a society, we truly cared about healthy moms and babies, our focus would be on how we can support pregnant women, not how we can manipulate our criminal laws, and undermine basic constitutional principles, to find new ways to punish them.

Sigh. I’m too dragged down by this stuff to have anything to add.

I fully intended to speak at Rock Beyond Belief

Duh, right? You’d think that would be obvious because I had it listed on my speaking schedule, blogged about it four different times, and even turned down other speaking events that conflicted with it.

But Fort Bragg doesn’t believe me, or any of the speakers. They’re telling reporters it’s okay that they refused to fund the event, because no one really intended to come. No one filed a “Statement of Intent” – a document that wasn’t required of the evangelical Christian Rock the Fort event, nor was it ever mentioned to organizer Justin Griffith until after the fact.

Richard Dawkins and other speakers have now openly given their “Statement of Intent,” so consider this mine. I was one of the first speakers approached to participate in Rock Beyond Belief, along with Hemant Mehta. I agreed wholeheartedly, because the separation of church and state is supremely important to me, and I wanted to help respond to that evangelical festival in any way I could. As I saw more and more speakers and performers added to the schedule, my excitement grew. I couldn’t wait for April 2nd! I was doing this without honorarium even though grad students aren’t exactly made of money, and I would miss at least a day of work for travel.

I fully intended to speak. But now I can’t, because Fort Bragg is apparently run by a bunch of hypocrites.

If you want to respond to the shameful action Fort Bragg is taking, at least sign the petition here. That link also lists contact information if you want to express your outrage, and specific instructions for what you can do if you’re part of the military and don’t want to face potential consequences.

Thanks, US Military: Rock Beyond Belief Canceled

Well, fuck. I’d like to say this is unbelievable, but unfortunately it’s not. Let me lay this one out for you:

1. Fort Bragg hosts Rock the Fort, an Evangelical Christian event meant to convert people. This includes spending $54,490 of government controlled funds on the event.

2. People point out this is a violation of the separation of church and state. Fort Bragg responds that if any other group wants to host a similar event, they’d support it too.

3. Sgt. Justin Griffith and other volunteers decide to put that statement to the test. They organize Rock Beyond Belief, a secular event open to everyone featuring great music and big name speakers (Richard Dawkins, anyone)?

4. Fort Bragg’s Legal Department okays the event and encourages the Garrison Commander to sign off on the event.

5. The Garrison Commander approves the event…but refuses to give it any money, and says all advertisements much include disclaimers that Fort Bragg is not associated with the event. Aka, he’s a lying hypocrite who has no intention of supporting anyone other than Evangelical Christians.

6. Rock Beyond Belief is forced to cancel due to a lack of funds.

I’m obviously disappointed. On a personal note, I was looking forward to speaking, rocking out to the music, and being able to say I was on the same speaking lineup as Richard Dawkins. But I’m mostly disappointed in how dishonest, and not to mention fucking stupid, US military officials are. Don’t they know the shitstorm this is going to cause?

Justin, even though the event is no more, you’ve done so much for this movement. Exposing the hypocrisy and favoritism of US military officials toward Christianity will have a long lasting, significant effect – more so than enjoying some godless talks and music. Though that would have been pretty fabulous, too.

EDIT: The Freedom From Religion Foundation has contact information for various military officials and local newspapers. If you want to help out, voice your disapproval.

Motherfucking Indiana

Seriously, we’re just on a roll, aren’t we? First no gay marriage, then ridiculous abortion restrictions…and now one of our Representatives, Mike Pence, is out to remove all government funding for Planned Parenthood. And it passed in the House.

I know this happened a couple of days ago, but I’ve been in conference la la land, so you get my rage a little delayed.

Feministe summarizes perfectly why we should care:

By law, federal funds haven’t paid for abortions since the 1970s, so the House hasn’t voted to cut abortion funding. They’re cutting funding for the entire Title X program — funding for contraception, cancer screening, STI tests, sex education, mammograms, HIV testing and diagnosis, and pregnancy screening and counseling. Title X is the only federal program dedicated solely to providing individuals with comprehensive family planning and preventive health services, particularly low-income families. Last year, 5 million people benefited from the services funded by Title X.

Planned Parenthood is the target of this legislation, and American women the primary victims. This isn’t about abortion — it’s about cutting access to health care for women. One in five American women has used Planned Parenthood’s services. The vast majority of care — more than 90% — offered at Planned Parenthood health centers is preventative. Every year, Planned Parenthood carries out nearly one million screenings for cervical cancer — screenings which save lives. Every year, Planned Parenthood doctors and nurses give more than 830,000 breast exams — exams which save lives. Every year, nearly 2.5 million patients receive contraception from Planned Parenthood — a service which prevents enormous numbers of unintended pregnancies and, by extension, an enormous number of abortions. Every year, Planned Parenthood administers nearly 4 million tests and treatments for sexually transmitted infections, including HIV — tests and treatments which save lives, extend lives, preserve fertility, and maintain reproductive health.

Fuck. Republicans. And Indiana, for spawning this filth. I am more and more ashamed to be associated with this state.

If you want to show your support for this amazing organization, you can sign Planned Parenthood’s open letter to Congress here.